Let's try this again...

Obviously there's a reason why i just can't seem to stick to anything. I'd like to blame my 40+ hour work weeks but deep down I know there's something else.

When i look at myself in the mirror, I can honestly say I don't really know who this person is. I don't know when the person I was before got lost and never found her way back. I'm heavier and unhappier. Unhappy most likely due to the weight gain but also because I just don't like where I am. I know I will probably get shit for saying this out loud, but in case you didn't know already, I don't like Aberdeen. Yes, there are some nice people here and it is sometimes pretty, but I still don't like it here. I miss big cities, I miss my friends, I miss my old job, I miss summers... I miss my old self.

So the question is... How do I get her back?? I know we won't be stuck in Aberdeen forever and it's that thought that keeps me going. I have faith that someday we will live somewhere where we can BBQ outside and not once have to worry about rain or cold wind ruining it. But that's not happening tomorrow. So until the days comes when we leave this place, I need to get myself together. So when the time comes, I'm ready.

So, that said, I'm trying this again. I'm still having issues with running due to my abnormal muscles around my shins, so i can only do that about once or twice a week, if that. Walking is an option, but that's boring. So thanks to my friend Nicole, I've decided to try the Insanity workout. Nicole has lost about 25lbs with it and is looking fabulous. She's currently in Hawaii enjoying her new body to the fullest. I want to be Nicole (minus the trip to Hawaii. I wish).

And another thing I have decided is I obviously can't blog every day. So i won't. I tried that last time and when I missed a day I felt bad, then another and another and then i just decided it wasn't worth it. I will update when i have the time. And if you're still with me at this point, thank you.

Let's go.

Wagon Falling Complete

So it's been 2 weeks and I am knackered. Went to England last weekend, then got home and have been working non stop. Last weekend I cheated. Then cheated again. And again. And again... Then i got home and cheated some more. I am now having an affair with calories. Shit.

And to make it all so much worse, I am now back to the weight I was when I started this blog. Why do i do this? I saw the evidence. Counting calories and moderate exercise worked wonders. So what's my problem. I can tell you two problems. I work too much and I am still suffering from severe back pain. The back pain is brought on from work. I have to work, therefore I get back pain. Ugh. I am currently drinking a glass of wine after taking diclofenac and dihydrocodiene because it seems to be the only thing to relieve the pain. I had an hour long deep tissue massage and cupping done last Friday. It only worked for a few days. And my physio does fuck all for me. The achi g in my spine, mis and lower back is fucking agony. I just want it to go away... ok, rant over. But seriously, this fucking sucks.

I will now try to start all over again with my 'Fitness pal' app and hope that even with the pain I can still do some exercise. Took a beginners pilates class last Thursday. I am praying to Jehova that it works. Oh, please, please work.

So that's what I've been up to these last 2 weeks... And yourself?

Know The Truth Thursday (on Saturday)

Today choice is one of my FAVES

The Caramel Frappuccino® Blended Beverage from Starbucks

Below are 2 different options for a Grande (medium for normal people). Now, I used to get the 1st option- whole milk and whipped cream but from now on, it will be Option 2. Just look at the major differences.


click on the photos to see the info


And Voilà! You've just saved your ass some serious calories and still get to enjoy a tasty treat. :)

I'm a tired hermit.

After working a 5 day stretch (at my job, 5 days in a row is quite painful), I didn't want to do anything but, well, do nothing. I've been watching what I eat and getting a quick run in, but other than that, I just don't want to do anything. Maybe it's because I'm constantly broke, so I really can't afford to go out and do anything anyway. Or another reason is because I've gotten so caught up with what i'm eating and drinking that I'm now finding myself avoiding social situations because I know I will eat/drink something that isn't in the plan. How I am supposed to balance the two without becoming a hermit and missing out on- life?

That said, David and I will be heading down to Southern England next Friday and I can't wait. Loads of social interaction and food and booze. I think I will bring my running shoes. I'll need them.

Weight Loss!

Now I was a bit suspicious of the number earlier in the day, so I thought I'd weigh myself when I got home at 8:45pm to compare. And the numbers show I have lost somewhere between 2-3 lbs in a week. I'll take it! I tell ya, this iPhone App 'My Fitness Pal' is my new best friend. It really helps me control my food intake. I'm entering everything religiously and have a pretty good idea of my caloric intake everyday. That accompanied by 20-30 minutes of running 3 times this week has obviously made me victorious!

So..... I'm thinking. I think I WILL post a before shot. And then post monthly shots of me to see if you (and me) can see the difference. Sound good. Now I just need to get the balls to take this photo and then get more balls to post it.

And I have now deemed Thursdays as "Know the Truth Thursdays". I will be posting the truth about the calories, fat and sugar in some of out guiltiest pleasures. Just as a reminder to NOT EAT IT!

And because I thought I was looking mighty fine today after my run (that's a joke) I took another self shot of my sweaty and RED self. This is what a real person looks like after they work out. It's not pretty.

Oh and tomorrow night I'm meeting up with my old pal Louise and know I will be knocking back a few pints. But only a few. And every little drop will be recorded. For serious.

Workout- Complete

For the first time in over a month I went for a 2 mile run on my trusty Reebok iRun treadmill (why does everything feel the need to be iSomething these days?). Well, I briskly walked about 3/4 of it, but still. It felt great to sweat. Technically I shouldn't be running since I haven't got the ok from my physio, but I was very aware of my left leg/shin and promised myself I'd stop if there was any pain. Thankfully, there was none.

Now I know I can't do it every day, but even 3 days a week will make a huge difference. Especially if I keep watching what I'm putting into my mouth. That said, I consumed about 1350 calories today. Ans burned about 230 with my run. Not too shabby. Just need to make this a normal part of my routine and all will be looking good. I also drank TONS of water today which I think definitely helped me feel fuller.

I have another sleepover at work tomorrow and on the menu for dinner is Mince and Tatties (for the Americans, that's basically ground beef with gravy and mashed potatoes). I need to figure out what I'm gonna eat as I can't eat that. I might splurge on lunch and opt for a light dinner. Like soup.

And because I was so chuffed (I like that word) with my run I snapped a photo of my glowing self straight after. Sans Fards and sweaty. Nice.

What Am I Doing Here?

I want to lose weight. i want to get healthy. But to be honest, I don't have much of a game plan. I'm counting calories and trying to see where I'm going wrong. But is that enough? What am I doing? I've decided not to list my everyday consuption because it takes too long. Maybe just a final tally? Ugh. I don't know.

I'm also thinking... What would reaaalllllyy get my bum moving? Putting up a photo of me in a bikini? Pointing out all the wobbley bits? Goals? I have a goal. I'm starting on a realistic scale. 10. But I haven't given myself a timescale. What's a realistic amount of time for this? 2 months? less? My birthday? that's roughly 2 1/2 months away... That's it! I WILL lose 10 lbs by the 25th of October. My 25th birthday (shhh).

On another note, I worked a sleepover last night. From 2pm yesterday till 3pm today. I was actually very good when it came to food. No 8pm biscuits/cookies and hot chocolate with the residents. A peppermint tea instead. And not one biscuit today either. But the sweeties lurk in the pantry. I can feel the cookies staring at me. I can almost smell them through their packaging. Especially the ginger creams. Just one. Just one. But one turns into 2 into 3 and so on.

And on another side note-- Did you know that ONE Fox's Ginger Crunch Cream Biscuit has 72 calories and 3.6 grams of fat?!!! See the proof below

Not looking so yummy now, are they?

Sick

When it rains, it pours. Srsly.

Not only do I have back pain, shin pain and stomach pains now my throat is on fire and my ears are killing me. I really am falling apart. I have to sleep over at work tonight and I'm really not looking forward to it. I already called in sick for my sleepover last week because of my belly and back, so there's no way I'm doing it again for a cold, or whatever this is turning in to.

I just want to feel 100%. I haven't felt like that in aaaaaggges.

Bleh.

Cheat!

Yes. It was a lovely day today (at 12:30pm) and Sophie and I met for lunch. I wanted to do good... I didn't.

We met at Revolution for some lunch and bravely sat outside on the deck even though we could see a massive black cloud coming in our direction, obviously out to get us. Smartly, we moved to the only table located just perfectly under the awning and when the down pour hit, we never even had to move our seats an inch. Ha! Take that rain! But then those pesky tiny green bugs we've been seeing a lot here decided to invade and fly up my nose. Not fun. What are those things anyway? It was like the universe wanted to punish me and it knew how much I hated little green bugs flying up my nose.

Now, about this food. I had a yummy Morrocan bean burger with a salad and chips. Thankfully the portion of chips was so small, you rreeallyy couldn't count it as a portion at all. Okay, not really. With our meals we had a pitcher of Russian Fruit Salad (my weakness) and a pitcher of the ghettoest drink I know of - WOO WOO! Still made my mouth smile. When my mouth is smiling I feel so bad when i have to deprive it. I gave in!

After David got home we had a healthy portion of whole wheat spaghetti and sauce made from a tin of tomatos and herb. That tin of tomatoes was only like 53 calories. Bargain! Then I accompanies him to the driving range where he hit balls and I wondered why men find this so appealing. After we wentt o the beach and had.... ICE CREAM!!!??? Yes, this is true.

So I fell off the wagon a bit today. When it's sunny in Aberdeen you have to seize the day. You have to have a couple of boozy beverages because you don't know when you'll have your next one outside in the sun. It happens. Tomorrow is a new day.

Below are some photos of the booze and burgers. So you'll see why I just couldn't control myself. :/




Salad in the front so it doesn't look as bad...






Sophie made me do it



The green invader.




CARPE DIEM!

New Shoes = Exercise = New Woman

My physio examined my shins today as well as my oh so overpronated feet. She then glanced at the shoes I wore in. A beaten up pair of navy blue converse. She was not having it.

The proof is in the pudding... Or the shoes in my case. Every day I wear those beaten up flat, flimsey converse to work for 8 hours, I'm killing my posture, my feet and slowly scewing my body up. From neck to toe. She saw my running shoes and thinks I should have a similar pair for work. And when ever I can, I need to wear them. Support, support, support. So I'm going out tomorrow to find some(inexpensive-ish)shoes.

I still do not have the go ahead to run yet. She said my muscle tissue near my shin was extremely stiff so hopefully with regular massaging and proper stability, I will be running like Forrest. But I can walk. And walking I will do. I have a treadmill, for satan's sake. Use it. Duh.

And on the menu for today:

Breakfast-
1 bowl of Bran Flakes 45g = 150cal
Coffee with hazelnut creamer = 35 cal
handful of blueberries= 15 cal

Lunch
3/4 tin Tesco Healthy Choices Tuscan bean Soup (Yum!) = 210cal
1 slice Hovis Hearty Oats Bread = 109 cal
250ml pressed apple juice = 120 cal

Dinner
Homemade Pinto bean Burrito with peppers, onions & yellow rice = (roughly) 500 cal
1 Wholemeal Blueberry Muffin = (roughly) 135 cal
1 pint of iced tea with lemon= 0 cal

Total intake = approximately 1274 calories
And I'm not hungry!!!

And here's some photos of my first try at those blueberry muffins





Here's the recipe...
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/food_and_drink/article3856927.ece

I added some vanilla extract and lemon zest and cut the bananas down to 1.5 as they tend to make things mushy. Enjoy!

I'm falling apart

Sitting in bed right now with a cat on my legs, laptop on my lap(right where thy say it should be)and a strong coffee in and out of my hands.

I am going to se my physio this morning at 11:30am and will hopefully get some answers about my shin issues so I can run without being afraid. Also need to talk about my failing back. I never had back issues until... oh, let's see. 6 months ago? Working in a care home is killing me. I don't understand how anyone can do this job long term. I've been doing it a year and I feel a good 5 years older than I did when I first started. Don't get me wrong. I love the idea of what I do. I love working with people with learning difficulties and helping improve there lives but at the same time, while I help improve their quality of life, I feel that mine is being sucked away. Long hours, crappy sleep in a creepy house, way too much manual labour, cooking, cleaning everything from bedrooms to pooey toilets is definitely taking it's toll. I've always been one who liked working odd hours and a lack of order. But now that seems to be what I am craving the most.

It seems the most difficult part of getting myself healthy again is going to be figuring out how to eat right when I'm at work and surrounded by potential bad choices and when to exercise when I just want to sleep or veg out on the sofa.

Oh, and this weekend in Edinburgh was a disaster when it came to healthy eating. I didn't even add it to my fitness pal because I was too ashamed. Damn you, nachos. Damn you, chocolate cake.

The Realisation

I knew I was putting on weight. I was aware of this. I'd fluctuate here and there, but never really kept it off. Little by little, it crept it's way on. That weight gain. It can be a sneaky little bugger. One minute you're a happy, healthy 125 lbs (9 stone) and the next (approximately 1 hour ago)... An unhappy, unhealthy 154 lbs (11 stone). Yes, I am admitting this. It's not easy admitting you're 10 lbs away from a BMI of 30. Which technically puts me in the OBESE category. OBESE!!! Me!!?? Yes Shasta, this is true.

Now those of you who are my friends will probably say something nice to me, like, "There's no way you weigh that much Shasta. Don't worry about it." But I do. So please don't be nice to me. I'm 10 lbs away from obesity. Holy Shit!!!

Being the short stack that i am, probably doesn't help matters. If only there was a way to stretch yourself out and make it all proportionate again. But there isn't.

What really pisses me off is the fact that I started running a year ago. Then screwed up my knee. Then my foot. Now my shins. But that isn't an excuse. There's no excuse for the cookies and biscuits I shove into my face at work just because it's there. There's no excuse for the massive consuption of cheese. There's no excuse for the bottles of red wine and beer I put back every month. I'm just thinking. Wow, I must really be eating A LOT because I bust my ass on my feet every day at work. I walk to work every day. And that's not enough. So shit has gotta change.

I recently dowloaded an app on my iPhone called 'My Fitness Pal'. I enter what I eat and it tells me how many more calories I can have for the day. I think I am gonna post my daily intake on here for the world to see. I can't hide. I won't.

If you have gotten fat too. I feel ya. But it's time to do somthing about it.

Oh, and I'm going to Edinburgh tomorrow where there's a good chance I will drink beer and eat shitty. But at least I'm AWARE of it.